Today I am anxious about so many things, some of them I have absolutely no control of. These are the worst type of worries, those worries which eat away at the mind and just keep on relentlessly. I didn’t go to my mental health support group. Instead I slept. I increased the quetiapine to 250 mgs so I was a bit drowsy from that. I should have gone to my support group but felt somehow unable to. It would have helped to go. Also I didn’t go to my tai chi class which I love and rarely miss. Not a good day. I did however manage to go shopping to get some bread and I walked my dog twice.
Still taking quetiapine, now on 200 mgs. I am noticing I feel very tense in the morning but not sure why. I do wonder though if it’s the television that I watch in the evening as I tend to watch high adrenalin programmes. Today I went to my mental health support group and we did a couple of mindfulness sessions. That helped enormously as I felt much less physically tense. I need to practice mindfulness at home. Sometimes though I get past the stage where I can actually sit and do it.
I am now taking 150mgs quetiapine (as from last night). I am beginning to suspect that my brain finds a way to fight medication because I am not as calm as I was. I think I need to work with the drug instead of assuming the drug will work all on its own without any input from me. My psychiatrist has instructed me to aim for 300mgs. Maybe I just did too much over the weekend. Too much socialisation tends to make me tense even if I am enjoying myself. I find it incredibly hard to pace myself and I feel this is the key to feeling better (alongside medication and other self care techniques).
I have just started to take some B vitamins. I’ve always concentrated on B12 but recently read that B3 can help with depression and anxiety. I have bought a bottle of liquid B vitamins. It comes with a dropper so you squirt it under your tongue and hold for 30 seconds before swallowing. Also started to take vitamin D and Omega 3.
I forgot to mention that so far I haven’t put any weight on at all. I am being fairly careful in what I eat and making I sure I walk daily. I have a dog so that’s a help although as she is old she doesn’t want to go too far. I’m walking more instead of hopping on the bus. I have a disability free bus pass (given to me by our bus network on account of bipolar being accepted as a disability) so was getting into the habit of catching buses for short distances.
One downside is that quetiapine has aggravated my tic disorder (I have mild Tourette syndrome). This is quite different from the movement disorder that antipsychotics can cause (tardive dyskinesia). I have had tics most of my life. I do worry though that because I have a tic disorder that I might be more vulnerable to drug induced TD. Lamotrigine which I used to take as a mood stabiliser had the same effect on my tics.
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I have been on quetiapine for about two months now. My opinion of it is that it is very good. I am sleeping well, feeling much less depressed and anxious. My negative thoughts are greatly reduced and my self worth is better. I am currently taking 125 mg with the aim of getting to 300 mg. I do worry about the risk of getting diabetes but feel it is definitely worth that risk. In fact I would rate quetiapine as the best medication out of the many I have been prescribed over the years (and I have had a fair few).